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The state of videogame movies

posted on January 10th, 2006 by jay
Ahhh
The realism of this film is unsettling.

Uwe Boll has done it again with BloodRayne. Not since the blockbuster Alone in the Dark has a movie kept me so close to peeing in my pants at its sheer awesomeness. German superstar Boll shows promise of becoming the next Hitchcock, but don’t be surprised if in 50 years comparing the two directors is a major insult to Boll.

Those who question Majesco’s motives for licensing the BloodRayne property have been silenced. They clearly did not just sell their IP to anyone who would pay any amount of money for it. Majesco saw the same blinding aura of talent we all see in Boll and placed their faith in him accordingly. The company put the respectability of their character on the line for this movie and it paid off in a big way (the movie is almost as sophisticated as BloodRayne’s nude shots in Playboy).

BloodRayne’s tightly written story follows the dhampir Rayne (the title is a pun, do you get it?), who is a half human half vampire, in her quest to avenge her mother’s rape/murder. Dhampirs raise many interesting philosophical questions. Do people bitten by dhampirs become half vampires? If a zombie has a child with a human, is it a half zombie? If this half zombie were to make it with a dhampir, would you get a half human, quarter zombie, quarter vampire being, and if so, what would happen to a victim of this foul creature’s bite? Would a stake to the head kill it, would it learn to pump gas but only after sunset? BloodRayne is a movie that really makes you think.

Oh Jennifer, my love
The keen eye can tell even in the BloodRayne prequel that Kingsley is a vampire.

The highlight of the movie’s spectacular cast is Ben Kingsley (Ghandi). If you are thinking “unofficial sequel to House of Sand and Fog,” you’re totally right. Kingsley reprises his role from that film, only this time there’s a twist – he is Lord of the Vampires. Rayne is played by rising starlet Kristanna Loken, who knows that when filming a sex scene in a dungeon cell, it’d be inartistic to NOT have your nipple licked on camera. Bravo!

Skeptics who fear the movie may be too bloody (get it?) need not worry because Boll also confirms what we knew was right all along: Christianity is real and true. Crosses hurt vampires because Jesus himself slew the very first vampire with a stake he forged himself from his own cross (Jimmy 14:39). Despite its life affirming message of God’s glory and willingness to slightly burn vampires who get too close to cross shaped pieces of jewelry, there is still some witch craft you may not want the little ones to see. Many of the women we see topless in the film, for example, have unnatural looking breasts and we can only assume they have been augmented by sorcery.

Boll’s House of the Dead kept audiences on their toes by featuring the dead in not only houses, but boats.

I don’t want to give away too much, but the fighting is excellently choreographed, the editing masterful (look for the thrillingly constant cuts in the last fight scene), and the dialog always crisp and fresh. Quite unsurprisingly, the Oscar buzz has already started.

Uwe Boll has a respected back catalogue that includes the previously mentioned masterpiece Alone in the Dark and the groundbreaking House of the Dead (people…who come back to life after dying!!!). Other classically awesome video game movies include the recent Doom and the Resident Evil series, which has exposed Alien for the piece of crap it truly is. All of these hits show that game based movies have really come into their own. Gone are the days of terrible movies based on great games like ET and Star Wars, and we have pioneers like Boll and The Rock to thank.

We have entered a new era where our passion is no longer something we need to hide from the mainstream because the mainstream now realizes how incredible our passion is. And every time I think about how great these last few game movies were, one thought keeps me completely erect – This is only the beginning.

 Some Essential Films

Other excellent movies based on games in near chronological order:

Doom
The Rock likes what he sees
The movie wisely decided to simplify the games Russian novel like plot. In this pic, a scientist teaches marines how to give a self breast exam.

Alien vs Predator
Face thing to face thing
"Acaba funcionando simplesmente por matar a curiosidade dos fãs com relação ao que aconteceria caso dois dos monstros mais populares do Cinema moderno viessem a se encontrar."
— Pablo Villaca, CINEMA EM CENA

Street Fighter
As American as apple pie
Raul Julia’s family should be proud that this was his final film, but even more proud of the awesome game that came from this movie that came from a game.

Double Dragon
Billy Lee, I am your downfall
This movie will make you rethink not only action movies, but movies as a whole. It fulfills the promise of the extremely personal film Francois Truffaut searched for as a critic and it simply must be experienced by any who claim to have even a passing interest in movies.

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2 Comments

  1. Craig said on January 12, 2006:

    Barring The Warriors and Chronicles of Riddick, games based on movies are just blatant cash-ins.

  2. Craig said on January 12, 2006:

    And movies based on games. Which I meant to put the first time. Balls. 

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