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Being from the largest city in Idaho, I have had a lot of experience with gangs. Most of this experience comes from playing GTA: San Andreas and living vicariously through the O.G.s from Wyoming that ride through Boise throwing up signs and representing the “Equality State”. Man, I wish my 2005 Toyota Matrix was half the ride that the 1979 Ford F250 is, but I digress. Other than gangs, my passion of the month has been EVE Online. Strangely, EVE and gangbanging have several things in common and knowing about how my bros in Cali do their “thang“ has actually helped me weather the steep learning curve that EVE presents to newcomers.

When a young blood starts out on the streets of L.A…or Cheyenne, he sees po po and 5-O everywhere. You definitely do not want to be busting and/or popping caps in people with the man lurking at every turn. The same holds true in EVE, you start out in a pretty high security area with a crappy ride and must learn to play nice with the other peeps that be rollin’ in your hood and if you don’t, you get popped. Do you know how hard it is to get your drink on when you are a corpse floating in the icy vacuum of space? Pretty damn hard.

In order to get properly crunked and chill, you gotta get away from civilization. Young blood needs to get out to the burbs and find some like-minded homeys to roll with. In EVE, the faster you get into low security areas the sooner you start making the ducats and since you don’t see many fly ladies cruising around the galaxy, it really is all about the guns and the money. This young blood writing this article was lucky, an O.G. that he knows through videolamer hooked him up with Benjamins and pointed him in the direction of a gang needing more space gangstas (henceforth known as “Spangstas”).

Now, this spangsta has a grip of ships and ISK (cash for you non-EVE peeps) and a lot of time on his hands. What does a spangsta do? Like my counterparts in the real world, you have to protect your turf, be it a housing project in South Central or the local cowboy bar, Bob’s Wiggly Q. In EVE, my gang rolls in a fine piece of neighborhood called CY-ZLP. We spend a good chunk of our time regulating our slice of the galaxy and flying our colors in tricked out rides. My crew is quite similar to an Asian street bike gang, our rides are mad fast but we hit like Japanese schoolgirls.

The question you are probably asking right now is how do you make the mad ducats to support your crazy playboy lifestyle? Without fine ladies to put on the streets or space stations, we have resorted to slingin’ product. My crew manufactures tech that pilots can rig their ships with. Unfortunately, in zero G cocaine just gets everywhere and weed clogs filters, trust me I know. Hot boxing in a spaceship with limited oxygen is never a good idea, especially when the closest Taco Bell is several star systems away. Relax, I am a kidding, of course there is no Taco Bell in space, silly bitch.

That pretty much sums it all up, the real world is simulated in the online one. It is all about gats, Benjamins, and representin’ in the hood. I wish it were more about the sweet ladies and making ho trains, but alas, EVE playas are pretty much stuck with a mean Conga line to show rivals they mean business.

4 Comments

  1. Bruce said on June 5, 2009:

    Spangsta is my new favorite word.

  2. Cunzy1 1 said on June 5, 2009:

    Word

  3. christian said on June 5, 2009:

    Does your ship have eighteen inch rims riding on the side?

  4. Golden Jew said on June 5, 2009:

    The best part is you actually CAN make drugs in Eve. I keep trying to get it started but its complicated… like everything else. And hard to make money on.

    I’ll just stick to cappin’ bitches who front or step in my hood.

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