Author Archive

Review – Stormrise

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 by derek

Imagine you are fighting in a war. You are within a small group of soldiers but you control all of the soldiers on the battlefield. It is time to issue commands.

“Corporal Dunnan, do you see the soldiers over there?” you ask.

“The Infiltrators, behind the-” Dunnan starts.

“No, no, no. Not those infiltrators, the ones over there,” …

Crap Dump 10.16.08

Thursday, October 16th, 2008 by derek

Do we have to?
I hope that the delay in the World of Warcraft movie (which apparently is still being planned) is a result of them deciding to not make it about Orcs and Wizards and all that crap but instead, about the broken marriages, child neglect, olestra o.d.’ing and all that stuff that goes …

Video Review – Space Chimps

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 by derek

Video Review – Hail to the Chimp

Wednesday, July 30th, 2008 by derek

We bring you the first ever video video game review. Welcome to the world of tomorrow.

Review – Lost in Blue 3

Monday, July 21st, 2008 by derek

Hey guys, there’s a island survival game with the word “lost” in it. It has flashbacks, a secret lab, mysterious blah blahs, and blah blah blah. Sound familiar? Surprisingly, Lost in Blue 3 is the first of the series that grossly appropriates themes from the um… “popular” TV series Lost, and it makes the game …

Riding the FAQ train

Thursday, July 17th, 2008 by derek

While they’re called “walkthroughs,” I’ve always been under the impression that very few gamers actually “walk through,” point by point, every single bit of advice and strategy that exists in these documents. Since I have a profound belief in the desire of humans to be lazy and cheat their way through life, I of course …

Murdering children does not grant you magical powers – More thoughts on good and evil in games

Monday, June 2nd, 2008 by derek

I started to write this as a postview of one of my favorite games, Beyond Good & Evil, when it occurred to me that there has been a lot of talk over here at videolamer recently about, well, good & evil. Shota seems annoyed both that so many games are overwhelmed by universe destroying, …

GTAIV perfectly captures look and feel of fictitious city

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008 by derek

When you get a postcard, do you look at the photo of the Grand Canyon or the Eifel tower or whatever and go “oh my god! It’s so lifelike! It’s like I’m actually there!!!!” No, of course you don’t. Similarly, I should have realized – before I shelled out my 60+ dollars yesterday – that …

GET PAID TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES!

Thursday, April 24th, 2008 by derek

I like having sex. Who doesn’t, right? (answer: Condoleezza Rice) That said, I don’t think that I would be a ho if it were somehow possible. I like to choose who I have sex with, and I don’t think I could do it all day, and it’s illegal and immoral and dirty and all that. …

Review – Real Soccer 2008

Wednesday, April 9th, 2008 by derek

When I first spotted “Real Soccer” in my local game shop, I was initially under the impression that the game’s name was an indication of a metaphysical breakthrough at Ubisoft labs. Sick of titles stuck with the “virtual” nomenclature, Ubisoft had determined – Matrix-like – that they could decide what is and is not …