Author Archive

Tales From Behind the Counter – Santa Claus Cometh

Friday, May 2nd, 2008 by tyson

Last night, I walked into a video game store that was swamped with trade-ins. I could barely make out my manager and another co-worker behind the counter for the stacks of NES games that were piled before them; it was like Christmas…of 1989. Classics like Ice Breakers, Ducktales, RC Pro-Am, and countless others littered the …

Tales From Behind The Counter – Mutant Powers of Femdom

Friday, April 25th, 2008 by tyson

One thing that sets my store apart from other video games retailers is our game testing stations. Each of the two stores I flutter between during the week is equipped with just about every major gaming console made in the last twenty years and we encourage people to try out the games before they take …

Tales From Behind The Counter – I Am A Snobby Bastard

Friday, April 18th, 2008 by tyson

It is inevitable that this topic is going to come up so I will tackle it now. Today’s secret word is a fun one: elitist. When I hear that word, my initial response is a simple, “Yes. I. Am.”

Every genre of media has its upper echelon of assholes who insist that their opinion on the …

Tales From Behind The Counter – The Long Joystick of the Law

Friday, April 11th, 2008 by tyson

Last night I achieved a sales goal that I don’t think will ever be topped by another mortal.

It was a quiet evening and my boss, Jason, and I were being good little worker bees. Alphabetizing and sorting titles, rearranging aisles, trying to restructure the layout of my store so that it may actually generate a …

Tales From Behind The Counter – Come One, Come all! Hear my tales of Mystery and Excitement!

Friday, April 4th, 2008 by tyson

Welcome to the inaugural release of my new and (hopefully) weekly column. Since returning to America, I have found myself short on cash and pretty much willing to do anything for a buck or two. Yes, I have even tried to sell my body but for some reason or another, most prospective customers frown upon …

Teabagging and Halo 3 — An Anthropological Study

Monday, March 3rd, 2008 by tyson

The Muffin Buffalo stalks through the corridors and crevasses of The Narrows map on Halo 3. Quietly he roams, picking his targets and releasing them from their mortal coils. He has done this many times before and is good at his job. Out of nowhere, a fellow warrior named SheepandVelcro69 jabs Muffin Buffalo from behind …

Better Late Than Never — Tyson Reviews the Xbox 360

Monday, February 25th, 2008 by tyson

I showed up a couple of years late to the party that has been the Xbox 360. Thanks to my cheapness and the joys of region encoding, I held off getting Microsoft’s newest system while I was in Japan, vowing to grab one mere minutes upon my return to the United States. Over the …

My little piece of gaming sentiment for the past two years

Friday, December 28th, 2007 by tyson

October of 2005 was a severely messed up time for me. I was newly divorced, living with one of my best friends, and had just found out that in several months time I would be moving to Japan. My life has always been kind of weird but the Fall of 05 was the pinnacle. Back …

A Christmas Story

Sunday, December 23rd, 2007 by tyson

Gather around children and let me tell you a story of a Christmas long since passed. The year was 1991 and I was eleven years old. It was that magical white time of year when all a kid my age could think of was snowball fights, playing video games, and Christmas morning. You see children, 1991 was not just any other goofy year. Oh no, 1991 was the year the Super Nintendo came out and I was sure that come December 25th, my chubby butt would be glued to a television playing that sleek, grey piece of gaming heaven.

I’m sorry kid, Nintendo is hoarding all of the Wii’s this year. How about a Playstation 3 instead?

 

As the countdown to Christmas began, the yearly rituals were gone though. Santa’s lap had been sat upon, letters had been mailed, and the right people had been told of my Yuletide desires. No, I did not believe in Santa but I believed in the wrath of my parents who said that if I spoiled Christmas for my little brother, the SNES was going to be but a figment of my misguided imagination. There was too much at stake this Christmas, introducing my brother to the cruel deceit of the world would have to wait one more year.  I knew what I wanted and I had to keep my eye on the prize.

What exactly did I want? This is a good question and one worth answering. I wanted it all; I wanted the Super Nintendo, Super Mario World, Pilot Wings, and a television of my own to play it on. I knew I was asking a lot but I also knew that I had not been as much of a pest as I had been previous years and I deserved this. This was the year for me to take Christmas and sculpt it to perfection; I could already smell the new plastic of my Super Nintendo. It would soon be mine.

DS games on the go!

Monday, December 10th, 2007 by tyson

So you have a DS but you don’t have the time to sink into long playing sessions. Or in my case, you have the attention span of a seven year old on crack. The whole concept of the aging process bringing patience is a lie and I’m living proof. When I was ten I could …