The list of MMORPGs I have played reads like a high school kid’s job resume; lots of wasted time in short month long bursts. Historically, there have been only two MMORPGs that I have played for a period longer than one month, City of Heroes and Everquest. Even with those two games, I stopped playing after about four or five months. I just can’t stay interested or even begin to get interested in most MMORPGs. I do not think this is my problem though, the fault lies at the feet of online role-playing game creators and the inherent issues that come with the games themselves.
South Park really summed up most MMORPGs when it spoofed the amazingly popular yet spectacularly idiotic World of Warcraft. The people that you play a game with either make or break the experience and for me, that means an atmosphere can be totally ruined when some 500lbs. lardass, fifty year old guy, cum Level 32 female dwarf yells, “LOL, my K@ just hawked up this ma$$ive furball on my lap.” I don’t like most people in real life and I find the citizens of virtual worlds to be twice as retarded as their real-world counterparts. In order for me to love an MMORPG, this is somehow going to have to change.
The second issue I have with the games is their inability to stay fresh for longer than it takes for me to get bored with them. I loathe games that make me do these piddly quests that have me kill five rats and bring back their whiskers to the local gnomish pedophile so that he may stitch himself new underwear for a “special” date. Why does a game have to have these quests? Why does a game have to have blatant quests at all? Why can’t I just live out my virtual life and progress passively in experience like you do in the real world? For me, a good MMORPG would be one set in a world as close to the real world as possible but then I have to ask myself, why play a game set in the real world when I could just go out and get a real life?
My last big hurdle with online crack addictions is the price. Like real drugs, MMORPGs eat up money on a monthly basis. I paid for the game, why on God’s green Earth do I need to pay a monthly fee? That question leads to the bigger question of why, if I already bought the core game, and I pay the monthly fee, do I have to buy expansion packs for the game? While great marketing for losers at SOE and Blizzard, it is akin to raping me in the ass with a wiffle ball bat, fat end first. If I am paying a content subscription fee, give me free content. The only people that seem to get this are the guys that make City of Heroes and City of Villains, and the guys that make EVE Online. Both of those games get pretty regular, big bursts of new content for no additional fee. Take notes Sony.
So there you have it, why I haven’t and probably won’t fall in love with an MMORPG anytime soon. Now, if there were to be a well done Fallout MMORPG, things could change. Until then, I will happily log hours on single player games and go out and breathe fresh air once in a while; not a bad alternative to the multiplayer slop that is out there now.