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Top 10 things wrong with video game reviews

posted on May 27th, 2010 by chris

I know most of you came here for one thing, so I’ll just leave these here:

Replayability: 1/10
Challenge: 2/10
Controls: 6/10
Content: 2/10
Overall: 4/10

Feel free to check Metacritic to figure out how other people rated Video Game Reviews!

For the rest of you, I’ll go ahead and add a few more lines so you can tell all your friends about this great review of Video Game Reviews. This is a pretty awful game. I’m not going to tell you specifically how awful for a while because that might challenge you to decide what you like before I’ve told you.

Speaking of challenge, this game doesn’t have much. There are a dozen different difficulty settings (Gamespy, IGN, Gamespot, Metacritic, and so on) but they all seem to really mean the same thing challenge wise. All are pretty easy, which means you will probably either love or hate them. There are a few bonus levels scattered here and there, and they’re more difficult, but you pretty much have to look up how to reach them in a FAQ because they’re almost impossible to find on your own. Besides, by the time you reach that point it’s too much of a text grind to get anything satisfying out of it.

You will not want to play this game again once you’ve beaten it the first time. VGR is very repetitive and you’ll probably be more thankful than anything once you reach the end. You could try different difficulty settings, but as stated earlier they’re all much the same.

Think of it all this way: Video Game Reviews is like a caterpillar. It’s just wandering around, munching on leaves and not doing much of anything. It doesn’t really know how to do much of anything different. It’s not much to look at either. Or maybe Video Game Reviews is like a blacksmith endlessly pounding away at the same lump of red-hot iron. He’s not sure what it’s going to become, and doesn’t really even seem to care much. Video Game Reviews is like Sisyphus… err, wait, that might be a little too challenging despite working my way up to it.

At least the control scheme of Video Game Reviews is reasonable. It’s pretty hard to go wrong with a mouse and keyboard, even though muddling your way through the various stages isn’t necessarily easy. There’s no clear cut path through each level, and every so often it seems to throw a bottomless pit and ice blocks in front of you, courtesy of the ‘advertisement’ enemies.

Anyway, to get to the point, what’s really wrong with Video Game Reviews is… ahh, who am I kidding, none of you read this far. Have a conclusion.

4 Comments

  1. Spyder Mayhem said on May 28, 2010:

    The Xbox 360 version of this article is better because the PS3 is gay.

  2. Spyder Mayhem said on May 28, 2010:

    No, the PS3 is better because the bluray version of this article has more data. Go back to playing Halo, n00b!

  3. christian said on May 29, 2010:

    PSP has games …?

  4. Cunzy1 1 said on May 31, 2010:

    The idea of the Official XXXX Magazines is ridiculous and the review format is starting to break.

    With the ‘gamer’ tag describing a broader range of people these days, with some genres allowing huge amounts of freedom and customisation and with many franchises with sequels in their double figures a two page review with half a dozen screenshots just won’t cut it.

    Whether it’s because I’m older now or not, I’m a much bigger fan of long-form subjective writing about games than written to a deadline, (praise for cash), ‘objective’ reviews.

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