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Weekly News We care About Wrap Up – 4.28.06

posted on April 28th, 2006 by jay

Nintendo renames the Revolution
Nintendo is the US after September 11th. They built up a great deal of good will, especially after developers revealed they’re making real games for the system. But like Bush II, Nintendo has squandered the world’s interest by pursuing a terrible PR campaign and bombing Iraq. So the analogy isn’t perfect. My point is Nintendo had everyone listening and now they have everyone laughing. Image has long been one of their main problems and they seem to revel in not fixing it.

I will stop being friends with anyone who actually calls it the Wiimote.

With that, I present to you the Nintendo Wii. Pronounced “we,” it manages to provoke thoughts of the Holocaust and urine simultaneously. In case the pun wasn’t painful enough, Nintendo has named the Revolution controller the “wiimote.” The console will debut in pink and come with a kitten.

In order to stress how stupid their marketing people are, Nintendo’s press conference consisted of terrible puns. “Wii will break down that wall that separates video game players from everybody else. Wii will put people more in touch with their games.”

So Nintendo has may have sealed their fate by using a stupid name that’s hated by everyone but the people paid to come up with it. What’s next? Deciding what we should call it. Nintendo “Why?” seems fitting and isn’t as repulsive as Wii. The W2 is also not too bad, but it reminds people of paying taxes (fun!). I could definitely see myself asking a friend if he plans on getting a Nintendo Wizz. Adult terms for urine are far more palatable than child terms. Most likely, I’ll just stick with Revolution.

Not playing video games leads to violent behavior
A father angry over his son’s gaming habit fires off a round. Sounds like he needs a hobby that allows him to vent his frustration in a safe, consequence free environment.

Square-Enix announces its E3 line up
Last year at E3 Squenix couldn’t stop talking about Code Age Commanders and its enormous line of tie ins. There was a PS2 game, a cell phone game, a comic, an enema, and a Broadway musical. Apparently it never made it to these shores and taught Squenix to stop trying new things. All ten of these titles are based on a pre-existing series. I wonder if any will have absurdly stupid character design or feature androgynous men.

Xbox rumors
The 360 may cut $100 off its price tag when the other systems launch. That’s good. The HD DVD player is an add on that will cost $100. That’s bad. Microsoft is selling an Eye Toy like device. That’s good. The 360 is getting a high profile “urban game.” That’s bad. Live Arcade may have tons of Sega Genesis games on it. That’s good. The games will contain potassium benzoate.

Oh Trip, if only they would have taken after their angelic father.

EA settles lawsuit, still evil
Because they are completely innocent, EA has decided to pay nearly $15 million to employees who worked over time without pay. As popular as it is to be the “innovation is dead” cynic crying about how EA is bad both as a company and for the industry, it is even more popular to be the middle of the road guy who reacts to those people. The “Oh yeah, EA is bad just because they make money, sure” sort of thing. Chalk up another point for the doomsayers because EA actually is evil (as long as you consider slavery evil).

HD DVD and Blu Ray finish talks, decide they’re just too different
There will not be a unified format. Place your bets now and fight the urge to buy anything, unless you have too much money and hate charity.

EA brings Madden to the Revolution
The regular studio that does the Madden games will not handle this title. What must it be like for that regular studio who works on the same game every single year and adds only graphical tweaks and roster changes? Do these people contemplate suicide all day or just succumb to the mind numbing effects of working on an assembly line?

Anyway, EA’s support of the Revolution is a good sign. The last console they refused to support because they’re douche bags was the Dreamcast and it cost Sega dearly. Their support means they see a potential for profit from the console (or just that they don’t have a grudge: see Sega Saturn EA game sales) and to top it off, the Madden won’t just be a port with slightly better graphics and a new roster. They are redesigning it for use with the wand controller. Nintendo may really be able to pull off the Revolution. Let’s just hope they don’t make any enormously stupid PR blunders.

7 Comments

  1. Golden Jew said on April 28, 2006:

    Ugh, HD DVD and Blu Ray fighting it out. I’m not buying shit until someone wins. I have TV for HD right now, and not gonna play the “$500 paperweight” game.

  2. jay said on April 29, 2006:

    Had MS simply planned to start shipping 360’s with HD DVD players I’d feel their format would stand more of a chance. That way millions of homes would have HD DVD players without the consumer having to go out and get one. As it is, most movie companies are behind Blu Ray and MS is selling the HD DVD player as an add on, which is probably a mistake. Although a Blu Ray player is a thousand dollars, so it may not matter if god is on Sony’s side, people just may not be able to afford their format.

  3. Stefan said on May 2, 2006:

    So how did this thread avoid any discussion of the wii?

  4. jay said on May 2, 2006:

    I think everyone is pretending they have never read the word “Wii.”

  5. jonathan said on May 2, 2006:

    Video game consoles have a history of horrible names, even though this one takes the cake, I don’t know why everyone is so surprised.
    Dreamcast
    Saturn
    Game Cube
    Xbox
    Genesis

    Add Wii to the list.

    At least it has the onomatopoeia factor, and let’s be honest no game system is made by name alone.

    That said, I hate the name and I expect them to fail miserable for horrible marketing.

  6. jay said on May 2, 2006:

    You left off Play Station. Station isn’t a word I think of when I think about entertainment. They might as well have called it the Fun Lab. Actually, that’s not too bad.

  7. Stefan said on May 3, 2006:

    I think the “Entertainment Emplacement” is better than the fun Lab…it’s alliterative and it rhymes!

    Some other alternatives include:
    Joy Module
    Recreation Post
    Happiness Access Point
    Diversion Installation
    Cavortation Station
    Game Device
    And one of my personal favorites:
    The Automated Frolic Machine

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